Jacked Up Christmas
by OutaiOkami
Summary: These are going to be stories of random people from Prince of Tennis jakcing up Christmas for other kids, and themselves. Characters aren't mine but Takeshi Konomi's... Except for some of the children featured, and Okami.
1. Sanada Genichirou

Sanada's Christmas Story

From loss of a bet, and force, and blackmail, Sanada had to be the local mall's Santa. The worse part was, he couldn't wear his pimpin' hat. So one girl stood (because Sanada didn't want some people he didn't know sitting on his lap) with a huge smile on her face.

"What your name?" Sanata mumbled "Mikure..." she replied.

"And what would you like for Christmas?" Sanata mumbled. "I wish to be the best tennis player in the world and I wi-" Mikure was cut off by being slapped by Sanata. "TARUNDAROU, YOU CANNOT BE THE BEST TENNIs PLAYER UNTIL YOU HAVE BEATEN ME!" and the little girl was about to cry. As the authorities arrested Sanada for assult, the girl started to cry.

"That's why you can never beat me you are weak!" At the Jail Place- Sanada was allowed one phone call, so he decided to call his best friend Yukimura!

"Hello?" Yukimura said on the other end. "Seiichi, this is Sanada, I'm in jail and I need you to bail me out." he said with no shame. There was a silence.

"Seiichi?"

"I'm not bailing you out because I saw what happened was on the news, I don't care about that girl but there's no way your going to be the best tennis player in the world if your in jail. And that spot is reserved for ME! And only ME!" and with that said, Yukimura hung up the phone and Sanada was left in jail for 10 years for assult of a minor. 


	2. Renji Yanagi

Renji Yanagi

The next day, we see Renji Yanagi as the new Santa for the mall the Sanada got arrested from. He was chosen next, because he lost the starring contest... Accused by Niou. Anyways, a girl comes up and sits on Renji's lap.

"What's your name?" he asked, more cheerful than Sanada.

"I'm Riryu!" she answered.

"And what do you want for Christmas?" he asks.

"I wish to have my own cooking show, I'm really good. That's what I want Santa..." THere was silence.

"Santa?" Renji muttered. Riryu nodded.

"You should know that Santa doesn't exist, that you can never have a cooking show unless you are really good and have a of the proper degrees in Home Ec. Also you are only like.... 5.7 years old, you shouldn't even be allowed to use a stove right now. You could kill somebody. Anyways, Santa doesn't exist, it's just a way so your parents know what to get you for Christmas. But seriously, don't get your hopes up for any cooking show." Renji explain, the girl was about to cry, and the 5O came to arrest him.

"What am I being arrested for?" Renji asked. "Section 5 Paragraph 4: Ruining a Child's Dreams on Christmas." the cop said.

"That doesn't even exist." Renji corrected. "... ... ... Telling a Cop that Their wrong, you rebellious teenager." the cop replied. "But I'm not rebelliou-"

"He starting to resist TAZE TAZE!" The Renji got brutally tazed by like 10 cops... He called for backup. At the Jail- Renji was put into a cell and a hand came on his shoulder Renji turned around and screamed "AHHH DON'T BUTT RAPE ME!" But it was Sanada, his face said "WTF" There was another silence.

"Still don't butt rape me." Renji said, then a cop came with the phone.

"One phone call." Renji thought for a moment, then he dailed a number.

"Yo." the voice said.

"Nari-chan (short for Kaminari) I need you to bail me out of jail." Renji told the girl on the phone.

"... Why? You didn't give me the answers to the math test, and I fail. FAILED!" I said angrily on the phone.

"Well I thought that you should-"

"Blah blah blah, your smart. Bust your way out." Then she hung up... This littles piggy slaps a childs, and this little piggy ruined a child's dreams... Who's next?

END 


	3. Niou Masaharu

Niou Masaharu

Now that Renji and Sanada have been fired/arrested. Niou was our next vict- Santa. The bet Niou lost was going a day without one of his... Magazines. Which he lost miserably. Niou liked this only as much as Sanada did, but he though maybe a child's mom would come and sit on his lap too... That's his Christmas wish. Then the girl who was next in line, was... Well... Let's just say, it's hard to believe she's still a child. Niou's wish was about to come true, the girl came a sat on his lap. Niou smirked, and the girl blushed.

"And what is your name?" Niou asked in a voice seductive to adults, scary to children. "R-Ryu..." the girl mumbled. Niou smiled, "And what would you like for Christmas Ryu?" Niou asked, as the girl pondered this thought. "I wish to have a boyfriend who will love me with all his heart!" the girl sighed while holding her hands over her chest. Niou smiled, this was his perverted ticket!

"I wonder what she means by love..." Niou whipsered, Ryu didn't hear thim.

"Well I cou-" Niou was going to use one of his many Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pick up lines. But from behind the Christmas tree, there was a cop, Okami, Sayo watching him... Sayo glaring. Niou was more preoccupied by the cop, for he is on Parole. Niou quickly turned around and whipsered in the girl's ear...

"Do you have a mom?" the girl nodded hesitantly. The Niou stood up causing the girl to fall to the floor.

"Will Ryu's mom come here please, she is needed to explain her gift." Niou called, then some lady in a Mrs. Claus outfit stepped from the crowd. Then Niou took the lady and went off somewhere. -From Behind the Tree- Okami, Sayo, and the Cop was playing uno.

"Uno out! Ha I win, in your face!" I bragged, doing the 'in your face dance' until Sayo said.

"Crap, Niou has escpaed!" she said peeking over the tree." Okami and the Cop looked to see that he wasn't there. We stepped from behind the tree, the cop calling for back up, and Okami wanting to watch Niou suffer cause it's funny.

"Kids, we have a problem, the Santa clause you saw here was not Santa, and he ran of with Ryu's mom! The worse part is, he's on parole for doing..." Okami paused looking at the crowd of under aged and uneducated kids..

" For.... FOR CALLING KIDS STUPID!" Sayo yelled from nowhere. The kids all dramatically gasped. So go find him! The kids all yelled and ran off in a big group looking for Niou. We ran after them. Eventually we came to some random storage closet, Sayo opened the door and on the inside it didn't look like a closet... It looked like Quagmire's house. Random noises were being heard, the cop gave kids ear muffs so the wouldn't be traumatized. We burst through one door and luckily nothing that bad was happening.

"He's trying to steal her candy! Get him!" some random boy yelled then all the kids attacked the cop and took his random weapons. Kids didn't know how to use a gun so they hit him with it, some kids tazed him, and he got pepper spray in his ass. Okami was watching and laughing, eating some popcorn, Sayo speechless, eating popcorn. Everything stopped when a gun shot went off and Niou was screaming, the kid shot him in the leg. Okami dropped the popcorn and broke down laughing, Niou held in the laughs.

"AWWW *BEEP* MUTHER *BEEP* HOW THE *BEEP* CAN YOU NOT BE *BEEP* HELPING ME, THESE *BEEP* *BEEP* WHIPES SHOT ME IN THE FOOT!" luckily the cop had a beepy machine. Then Niou got arrested, the kids cheered and Okami was dying from laughter. -At Jail- Niou was put into a cell and a hand came on his should

"I'M TO PRETTY TO BE BUTT RAPE, I WILL BE DOING THE BUTT RAPING AROUND HERE!" Niou yelled, but it was Renji and Sanada, they looked at him.

"One phone call." the cop said. Niou took the phone and called a number.

"Hello?" Sayo said on the other line. "Heeeeyyyyy Sayooooo, can you srping me out of jail?" Niou asked. There was a silence. "Hello?"

"If you would like to make a call, please insert 25 cents." the machine said. Niou hung up the phone. This little piggy slaps a girl, this little piggy ruined dreams, this little piggy got shot in the foot, and who's the next piggy?

END 


	4. Bunta Marui

Bunta Marui

To replace Sanada, Renji, and Niou as the mall's Santa, next is Bunta! He lost an eating contest, but that's another story. Anyways, Bunta doesn't want to do this, because he could be getting free Gingerbread cookie samples from the other side of the mall, but if he doesn't want his secret stash of candy to disapear, he has to be Santa through the whole night unless he gets arrested. So a little girl came and sat on his lap.

"What would you like for Christmas?" he asked. She frowned, obviously knowing that Santa doesn't have red hair and isn't constantly blowing gum.

"....I know who you are... You're Marui Bunta from Rikkai!" she said. Bunta shushed her.

"Yeah and, how do you know that, aren't you in like... Elementary school or something?" he asked, popping another bubble of gum.

"My sister goes to Rikkai and she is one of your fangirls, she keeps on talking about you to her friends and I can't get any sleep!" she complained.

"... I'd think that a kid like you would be on sleep overs some nights..." Bunta replied. The girl frowned, got off his lap, and came back with some older girl. She held her hands to her face scream OMG! Bunta sweatdropped. "IT'S BUNTA MARUI!!!! *insert gangirl scream here*" she screamed. Then all of a sudden, these other girls around the same age as her came running and Bunta was surrounded. They were touching him and trying to take pictures of him and stuff.

"I JUST WANTED SOME CANDY!!!!" he cried. The girls all smirked at each other. "You can have our candy!" one of them said, holding a giant bag.

"Oh really!" Bunta asked, glowing. He crawled into the bag searching.

"Hey, there no candy in here!" he whined, then the bag was closed and he was carried off somewhere. When the bag was opened Bunta saw al the girls who Bunapped him.

"I JUST WANTED SOME CANDY IS THAT TOO HARD TO ASK?!" he cried again. Then the girls said,

"When have some candy for you." but this time with no bag.

"Oh really?" he asked. Then the girls glomped him trying to kiss and do whatever fangirls do. He managed to escape.

"I just wanted candy, candy canes, lolipops, gum, sugary stuff!

"We have some of that." what onf the girl's said. Holding a bag of real candy. "I'm not falling for that for a sixth time!" Bunta counted, then he stomped out.

In Jail- Bunta put himself in jail to keep him Buntalicious self away from the dangerous fangirl.

"Hey red head." some big tough girl in a jail cell said, the were some other scary looking girls there too.

"Aw crap I sent myself into a woman's prision!"

One night later- Bunta was scarred for life and was able to be transfered to a normal jail place.

"Bunta!" Niou called as Bunta was put into the cell.

"Hey..." he sighed.

"Why are you here?" Niou asked.

"These scary fangirls did stuff to me.... It was so horrible Niou! HORRIBLE!!!" he cried. "...Dude... You're gay..." Niou mumbled.

"So you put yourself in jail?" Sanada asked, he nodded.

"Do 50,000 laps..." he muttered.

"WHY?!" he cried.

"You could of spring us out! And since it's a small spcace you should be done soon! We would of been gone but Renji's having a brain attack from lack of learning something for more than 3 days. Renji was in a corner in the fetal position spazzing.

"One free phone call." the cop said. Bunta grabbed the phone and dialed a number. "Hello Pizza Hut, how may I help you?" a person asked over the phone.

"Yeah, I would like a large cheese pizza..." Bunta put his hand over the phone.

"Would you guys like anything?" he asked. Niou smacked the phone out of his hand for his stupidness and he never got his pizza.  
END

This little piggy had a slapped a child, this little piggy ruined a child's dream. This little piggy got shot in the foot, and this little piggy got none [pizza]... Who's next? 


	5. Jackal Kuwahara

Jackal Kuwhaha

Now Jackal was the mall's Santa because he didn't want to do a bet that would be listed in this story and he would be mocked. [HEY!] So he was the Santa. One girl came and sat on his lap.

"What is your name?" he asked.

"Mikure..." she mumbled.

"And what would you-" suddenly Mikure pulled his hat off.

"What'd you do that for?!" he whined.

"Bald bald shiny bald..." she mumbled hypnotized.

"Wha..?"" then all the other kids in the mall who saw were chanting. "Bald bald.... shiny bald..." Jackal tried to walk away but the kids followed. He put the hat back on and the kids became normal. He took the hat off and they were hypnotized.

"I could control these kids to rule the world! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" then he was being locked up in jail.

"What'd I do?!" he cried.

"Using you baldness to make kids rule the wolrd... Sick!" the cop yelled. His friends in the cell stared at him.

"Rule the world? Did you do the evil laugh?" Niou asked. Jackal nodded.

"Sweeeeeet" he gave him a high 5.

"One phone call.

"Yo... Again."

"Okami can you spring me out of jail." Jackal asked, you think wanting to rule the world he'd demand.

"This isn't Okami, this is Aka-" the voice was knockede off the phone.

"Ello?" another voiced asked.

"Okami?" he asked.

"Yeeesss?" Okami asked.

"Can you srping me out of jail... And who was that?" he asked two question... Nosey. "Yes..." Okami asnwered. Silence.

"Hey guys she's going to spring us out of jail!" Jackal said to the other, they cheered. "Whoa whoa whoa... I'm not breaking out your cell mates who butt rape you!" Okami said.

"One, I haven't been butt rape[Niou:YET!].... And two, you know them... Sanada, Niou, Renji, and Bunta are here." he assured.

"Whoa that many people, wow that Santa plan really worked...." Okami mumbled.

"WHAT?!" Jackal yelled. "Nothing nothing... This seems like it will have a funny ending... I'm not going to help... Also I would only have enough money to spring one of you guys out." Okami said.

"Listen, I don't care what you have to do, hoe yourself off. JUST SPRING US OUT!" Niou said taking the phone.

"Yeah I haven't had a buffet in 3 whole hours!" Bunta whined getting the phone.

"Yeah so get busy!" Niou said. Silence. "Please insert 25 cents to make a call or hang up the phone." The machine said,

"Why does everybody hang us on me?!" Niou cried, Bunta opened his mouth.

"Don't answer." he threatened.

END 


	6. Yagyuu Hiroshi

Yagyuu Hiroshi

Now it's Yagyuu's turn to suffer the wrath of Santa and jail and nobody heeding to his one phone help call. Now that he's Santa, he can make all the little boys, girls, and hermaphrodites happy with their non-come-true wishes. This one boy comes up to him and sits on his lap.

"What would you like for Christmas?" Yagyuu asked, with his polite non-manly tone.

"None of your buisness four eyes!" the brat- I mean child from below- I mean above snapped. He got off of his lap and went to his mom.

"That wasn't nice Naku." she lightly scolded, he crossed his arms.

"Like I care!" he huffed. Yagyuu frowned, and went up to the boy and his mom.

"That isn't nice to say." Yagyuu said, bending down to eye level, removing his glasses. The kid turned

"Like I....care...." the boy mumbled, looking into Yagyuu's eyes.

"Now you will be a gentleman, okay." Yagyuu comanded.

"I will be a gentleman okay..." the kid repeated. "Stop repeating everything I say..." Yagyuu said, putting his glasses back on. The woman looked from her child to the purple hair gentleman.

"That was so amazaing, you and your gentlemanliness are such good influences, I'm calling the other girls." Now imagine those montages on TV where one person calls, then two people call, then four, ans so on. Now Yagyuu was surrounded by a sea of woman, making their brats into little gentlepeoples. There was a group of men near by, glaring at Yagyuu for taking their hot woman away, they married them for their looks having nothing to do with personality. All to tell their Dads 'Ha, my wife looks better than mom did 50 years ago!' Then, whistles would be heard. It was a cop and he was breaking through the crowd of woman.

"Okay break it up! You, you're going to jail!" the cop said, pointing to Yagyuu. "Whyyyyyy~?!" the woman whined.

"For taking my wife." the cop pouted.

"You can't go this, nag nag naggy nag nag!" the wifed nagged.

"Jannine get in the car!" he yelled, and when he turned around Yagyuu made a run for it. You'd think that he'd be respectful of the laws, but who is now, with child molestors running a muck.

At Jail- Yagyuu got caught and was now in jail with most of the Rikkai tennis team. "What happened Hiroshi?" Niou asked, shocked to see his slight voice of reason in a jail cell with him.

"I took the cop's wife and tried to run for it, but he caught me..." he sighed.

"It seems I have taught you well young padawan or whatever those Star Wars nerds say!" Niou cheered, patting Yagyuu's back. "One phone call." the cop said. Yagyuu dailed a number.

"I have caller ID now, stop calling me from jail Niou!" Okami's voiced yelling over the line. "It's Yagyuu, Okami-san..." Yagyuu sighed. "How can I be sure, I know how you two switchs places and stuff!" Okami replied.

"You were born on March 23rd...." Yagyuu sighed.

"Oh Yagyuu, it's you, Niou is too stupid to remember anyones birthday, let alone mine." I complimented. Niou cursing.

"Can you-" "You have money in your pocket dude..." Okami said, knowing his question, Yagyuu checked his pocket and saw enough money to bail him out, and to bribe the cop to take this off of his record. So Yagyuu hung up [without saying good-bye, so many rudenesses today Yagyuu!] and paid the cop and got out of jail, once out of the cell the others were glaring at him from behind the iron bars. "Well guys.... AH HA!!!" Yagyuu bragged, sticking out his tounge, the others tried to grab at the OoC Yagyuu. Then all of a sudden, he was back in the cell.

"What the-"

"Bragging isn't right!" the cop scolded as the others glared and smiled at Yagyuu, as they were about to punch the gentleman back into him.

END 


	7. Kirihara Akaya

Akaya Kirihara

The second to last person who's going to be Santa is Akaya! He didn't lose a bet, it's just that, Yukimura said that he wasn't going to be the Santa, and left the matter at that. That's our buchou, hehehe. Anyways, Akaya was doing pretty good as Santa, defying the sterotype that most people betted on. That he would get mad at a kid and beat the living crap out of them while Okami, Sayo, and Yukimura told them otherwise. But, Akaya's good behavior is going to go down the drain, when some lady, who's the same age as him comes and sits on his lap. Akaya who is not smooth with the ladies like Niou, blushes slightly.

"W-What would you like for Christmas?" Akaya studdered. She leened toward his face, "Don't you want to know my name first?" she asked in a seductive voice.

"No not really!" Akaya replied quickly, he was feeling like Bunta at the moment, thinking he might ket Akanapped by this lady.

"Well, what I want for Christmas..." she whipered in his ear, holding his face, Akaya frozen.

"Is for you..." she continued, putting something in his hand.

"To go to jail!" she said in a normal tone, letting go of Akaya's face and taking his hand and putting it to her head. Akaya calculated the sceen in front of him. Some hot girl is sitting on his lap, saying she wants him to go to jail, and in his a gun... Wait a gun, Akaya doesn't have a gun...... That we know of! "Hey hot lady, what the hell?!" Akaya paniced.

"Help, he's trying to rape me by force, and cursing!" she screamed, near by people looked and gasped. Then a cop came running towards Akaya. He pulled out a gun,

"Drop the gun!" he yelled as other cops came and surrounded him.

"Okay!" he paniced, he pushed pushed the lady off of him and she went head first into the Christmas tree, take that bad hot lady! Akaya got up, then the cops jumped to conclusion,

"He's going to shoot!", then they all came and beat him up, and soon enough, dragged him to jail.

At Jail-

"What happened to get you in here Akaya?" Niou asked as the cop slammed the cell door. "You don't wanna know..." he sighed.

"Or do I?" Niou asked with a smirk, Akaya glared at him, when the cop said he gets a free phone call.

"Let me guess.... Akaya, you're in jail for some reason that I wish to know about." the voice said.

"How'd you know Okami?" Akaya asked. "Because we're at the last day of practice at school and none of the regulars are here except for buchou!" Okami told him.

"Now tell me what happened so I get can buchou to do something about it while I watch and laugh." Okami commanded. After Akaya told the whole story there was silence.

"Do you know how this lady looked like?" Okami growled, sharpening her nails into claws on the other line. Akaya gave a description. "Okay, I'm going to go teach that whore a lesson~" Okami growled in a deeper scaried voice. Akaya cringed,

"Wait bail me out first!" but it was too late, Okami already hung up.

"Your girlfriend hung up on you?" Niou chuckled.

"Yeah.. Wait, she's not my girlfriend!" Akaya blushed slightly.

"You are such an idiot, bratling..." Niou sighed, Akaya had a puzzled face, as to what his playboy senpai meant, but he shrugged it off, trying to think of ways to escape.

END

THis little piggy slapped a girl, this little piggy ruined dreams. This little piggy got shot in the foot, and this little piggy got none [pizza]. This bald piggy tried to take over the world, and this little piggy stole wives, this little piggy was tricked by a whore, now there's only one piggy left. 


	8. Yukimura Seiichi

Yukimura Seiichi

Note: Even though this is Yukimura's crack (that sounded weird xD;) this is going to be in Okami's PoV... Just thought that should be said.

Is Yukimura Seiichi going to be the mall's next Santa? No, since the past seven Santa's didn't work out, that mall banned Santa's until next year. They think, that by that time, they should, for no reason, have to be the Santa at the mall. This made alot of kids, very sad... But who cares about them, on to the story.

After I got the call from jail about hearing what happened to Akaya to get him arrested, I got enough information out of him to find this whore. So I've called in a special group of people to help me catch this prostitute. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? No you moron, Sayo, and Yukimura. With the three of us, the girl won't know what hit her. We were walking in the mall towards the area where the seven teenage boys got arrested. "Do you know where we're going?" Yukimura asked me.

"Nope." I simply replied, even though I had no idea once so ever where we were going, something just told me to come to the scene of the many crimes. Maybe it was the cake and 2 jars of vanilla icing (yyyuuummmm) I had for breakfast, but there she was. The whore who sent Akaya to jail!

"There she is!" I yelled and pointed at her, Sayo and Yukimura looked at the woman, and she looked at us, then she ran for it. We ran after her, she must be a whore, cause only they can run that fast in heels that high.

"We'll never be able to catch her in time!" I cried.

"Very postitive thinking!" Sayo said.

"She sent Akaya and Niou to jail! So we need to take her down! FOOTBALL!" Sayo said in some hidden deep manly and scary voice. Then all of a sudden, Yukimura stopped. "What are you doing?! We have to catch her!!!!" I whined. Then, Yukimura looked straight at the girl, who was far away by now. "Get back here you dirty whore!" he commanded in his scary voice, everybody seems to have a scary voice, ne? And miraculously, she stopped, turned around and started walking casually towards Yukimura. "Faster..." Yukimura growled, an she started walking briskly. Wow, that so beats the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles b a long shot, let's see them do that. When she was next to Yukimura, he smiled his 'nice but with a tint of evil' smile, then the girl was looking around, shocked at where she was. She was about to make a run for it, when I drop kicked her. She landed face first and tried to get up but I stepped on her back.

"You're not going anywhere jigolo..." I growled.

"I'm not a man, you idiot..." she managed to say. I stepped on her back harder,

"'" I said.

-In Some random closet- We took her to some random closet, that was roomy, had a table, and one random table lamp, and a chair. The light was off. I turned it on and shinned it in her face, she closed her eyes form the bright light.

"Where were you on the day of Semptember twenty-first on the night of 1975?!" I yelled in her face.

"I wasn't even born yet!" she yelled.

"That's what you want us to think, don't you?!" Sayo yelled, pointing n her face. She bit her finger,

"FRAP!" she yelled and Yukimura came, pushed me out of the way and clapped the whore. She let go of Sayo's finger.

"Tell me... Are you the reason Akaya got fired?" he asked in his 'you better tell me or die' voice.

"Who the hell is that? I was just sent to send some curly haired demon boy to jail." she answered.

"It's a sterotype!" I cried. "Shut up Okami!" Yukimura yelled, and when he tells me to shut up, even though I his bestliest friend (that's where I got my evilness from) he would never tell me to shut up. So today... He meant buisness.

"Who sent you?!" Yukimura demanded.

"Tell me!" he yelled, grabbing her by the neck. Then all of a sudden, the cops burst through the door and came in.

"Oh please help me, this man was going to kill me!" she pleaded. THe cops looked around,

"What men? All I see are two ugly girls and one beautiful one." one cop said.

"HEY!" Sayo and I said simultaneously. "The one holding my neck stupid." she growled.

"Hey! I'm the cop, and I'll choose who goes to jail or not!" he yelled. He looked around the room and then stared intently on Yukimura.

"Uhh, Cheif, I think that's him." one cop pointed to Yukimura.

"Deputy, you just joined the force, and you know nothing yet, I'LL CHOOSE THE COL...COUL...BAD PERSON!" he yelled. He was still looking around the room. Then, he fell to the floor by me drop kicking him, and Sayo was beating the crap out of her for calling her ugly, and more importantly, calling me ugly!... Just kidding. Other cops came and held me and Sayo while dragging Yukimura to jail, and the cop to a hospital. Yukimura was fighting, but then they tazed him and he couldn't move. "Okami, Sayo. You have to figure out what's going on. You have to do this..." Yukimura sighed.

"FIGHT THE MAN YO!" a random hippy said. We all had blank faced as Yukimura continued to be dragged on to jail, and all we could do was watch, damn tazers. Soon enough, the cops who were holding us down let us go, but we beat the living crap out of them and took their clothes luckily, they were wearing one size fits all.

"Now to find that whore." we both said. Then the hippy suddenly said,

"To find the hay in the needle stack, you need to first find the magical cucumber to distract the needles..." the hippy said, then passed out.

"Isn't it called needle in the hay stack?" I mumbled. "What the hell is a magical cucubmer?!" Sayo mumbled... So all we had now were Yukimura's words, an artility of cop's clothing and weapons... And a druken hippy... We will find out what's going on if it's the last this Sayo ever does!

END....

For now... 


	9. All In Jail

A day has passed since Seiichi was arrested, and Sayo and Okami were getting prepared for whatever may happen. Sayo was having trouble packing a bazooka, as I packed Mayo.

"Whay are you packing Mayo?" Sayo asked, while pushing the giant missile launched into the small bag.

"To distract the cops." I replied, she smacked the mayo out of my hands, as it broke on the floor and my 4 dogs began to eat it.

"Nooooooo~ I couldn't even use it for a sandwich!" I cried.

"You don't even like mayo..." Sayo reminded me.

"Oh yeah..." I mumbled. Anyways, since Sayo couldn't pack the bazooka, we pack some knives, 2 guns, and a bag of gem studded scissors. As we walked out of the door my dogs wanted to come, but they couldn't, cause somebody need to stay home to water the plants.

"How are we suppose to find that hoe?" Sayo asked, getting impatient.

"Hmmm... Well there is one problem..." I mumbled. Sayo looked at me with a questioning face.

"It's broad daylight and hoes come out a night to find their pray then-" I was stopped by Sayo putting her hand over my mouth.

"We get it." she sighed.

"So we have to wait until night?" Sayo sighed, removing her hand from my mouth. "No, I have a plan!" I said.

"That's a first." said the voice of the narcissist Atobe Keigo.

"I'm not an idiot, fatty!" I yelled. "Ore-sama isn't fat." he said.

"That's what you say AFTER the lypo." I smirk, he twicthed while slowly regaining his composure. Then another idea hatched in my head. I whipsered it into Sayo's ear and she had a wide smile on her face, as well as I did. Atobe twicthed again, he knew why he should never be around a commoners shopping place. Then Sayo and I shoved him into some random car, pushed out the original driver, shoved him in a tree, and took his cell phone, and drove away. We were in a dark closet again, but with a single hanging lamp. I turned it on and Sayo had tied Atobe in a chair very well.

"What do you want with Ore-sama?!" Atobe yelled, trying to untie his hands, he's obviously never been kidnapped before... Weird.

"We want you do look for a hoe." Sayo said.

"Why would Ore-sama do something that Oshitari does?!" Atobe growled.

"Because I have these pictures of you and that same Oshitari kissing under a streetlight!" I say, waving pictures in his face.

"And! It looks like Oshitari just picked you up from the side of the road, like a hoe!" Sayo added. "Ore-sama did no such thing!" Atobe growled, and he was telling the truth.

"Well it's called photoshop with photo maniplulation. So there's nothing you can do about it!" I yelled in his face. Atobe sighed.

"... What do you want Ore-sama to do..." he asked in defeat.

An hour later- Atobe walked out of the mall, on a street that was completely deserted, sort of. Atobe stooed on the side of the street.

"Ore-sama needs some late night entertainment, oh if only somebody was here so Ore-sama could.................Line!" Atobe acted... Badly.

"Idiot!" I yelled. "Idiot?" Atobe mumbled. Then he remembered his line.

"spend his vast amounts of money on this pleasure!" Atobe finished. Nothing happened. Sayo hit her head.

"Nobody excpet for an idiot would fall for that performance." she sighed. Suddenly, from down the street, alot of cars could be seen driving down the street. Until Atobe was surrounded by a sea of young women with lots of make up, but bad influences (whores). Atobe was being ripped to streads by woman wanting his money.

"What do we do, their too many, we won't be able to tell!" Sayo yelled over the sea. "Help Ore-sama!" Atobe yelled.

"There she is, the one who looks the most deceant!" I yelled, pointing to the blonde lady with a black shirt and cheetah pattern trim. She spotted us and tried to run towards a car. We almost got her but we tripped over Atobe's blazer... Wow that gots some distance. She got into the car and drove away.

"We'll never be able to catch her!" Sayo whined. Then a guy on a motorcycle drove up.

"Do you know why there is a sea of hookers in front of my store?" he asked. We looked at each other, pushed him off the motorcycle, as I started the engine. Cause I know all the control of a motorcycle.

"If you want to get paid for this, go take that man's blazer!" Sayo yelled as we rode away.

"How are we suppose to find them, there are alot of cars!" Sayo asked through the microphones in the helmets that there just happened to be two of.

"Oh I don't know, the car that's pimped out." I calmly suggested. The purple car that was high off of the ground was pretty obvious. We chased after the car, in high speed.

"We need to go faster!" I cried.

"oooo, what does this button do?" Sayo chimed, pressing the button on the left handlebar. Then, we jerk forward with high speed.

"Cool, NoS!" I cheered. Now were were catching up with the car!

Hoe's PoV I was safe now, there is no way that those two girls can catch me now... But I noticed, from the left window, something, the same speed as us. All of a sudden, the window broke open and it was Fredd Krueger! I screamed, when my pimp looked from behind the seat and slapped me. "What the hell you screaming about Sake?" he yelled. It seems I just woke up from a dream. "Nothing daddy..." I whimpered. (Wow I watch too much TV... Some more educational than others ;;;)

Okami and Sayo's PoV.

We were the same speed as the car because we were as the right window.

"Now, we need to somehow, carefully, get the hoe to-" I was cut off by Sayo getting out a random metal wrench and smashing the car window.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU SEND NIOU TO JAIL HOE?!" Sayo yelled, the hoe screaming. The pimp looked behind him.

"Her name is Sake, and if you want to spend time-" he was shut up by Sayo shooting him.

"What the hell?!" Sake screamed.

"It's only a tranqulizer..." Sayo mumbled. "You know, it's weird how we can do all this and still stay steady on the road!" I said randomly. Then we crashed into a random building. The walls came tumbling down on the car, motorcycle, and the girls. Nobody cared for the pimp, cause he is a pimp, and what he does is wrong.

"Wow that was completely random!" said a voice.

"Is that Okami, Sayo, and a... Hooker?" another voice questioned.

"I knew they were hanging out with the wrong kind of people..." another voice sighed.

"Shut up, don't you see we're trying to see who sent the whole- Hey it's the whole team!" I realized, moving my head up.

"Hey Sayo look, it's the whole team!" I told her trying to move my arm.

"And a hooker, don't forget the hooker, the very good... Looking... Hooker...." Niou complimented, Sayo threw one of the many bricks on us at him.

"Shut it." then her head went back down. Everybody was by our sides.

"Sayo can you forgive me?" Niou asked. "...As lon as you don't ever have a dirty hoe on your lap ever again." Sayo mumbled. "Speaking of hoe,where did she go?" Seiichi asked, rhyming. We looked around and she was nowhere to be seen.

"Okami are you okay?" Akaya asked. "Akaya... Why can't I feel my arm?" I asked.

"Because, you're under a pile of bricks that fell on you, and maybe some of us are stand on your arms and legs. Because nobody had decided to move the blocks." Renji answered. They all looked down, Sayo and I knocked out.

"Oh crap!" most of them paniced, as they started to take the brick off of us.

When we woke up- I woke up in a bland grey room.

"Where are we?" I moaned, tired.

"We're in a jail cell..." Hiroshi answered. "What did Sayo and I do?" I whinned, sitting up.

"Apparently breaking down a jail cell wall and threatening to hurt a hoe is WRONG!" Sayo mumbled. We need to get out of jail and catch that hoe who's named after a Japanese rice wine! I thought of a plan, a plan to break us out of here.

"Oy, cop dude, don't we get our free phone call?" I called, the others in the cell looking at me, for they have lost hope. The cop sighed then handed me the phone.

"Hello?" the voice asked over the phone.

"I require your services..." I whisper.

END

What services does Okami require? Will any of them get out of jail. Why is the hoe named Sake. And will the hippy's words of magic cucumbers be of any help? Find out in the conclusion of Jacked Up Christmas! 


End file.
